My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
