Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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