You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
