some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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