it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
