I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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