I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
