He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
