News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
