Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
