happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
