Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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