Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
