well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
