yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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