Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
