Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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