I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i was born a porn star she said
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
