Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
