At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
