Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
