that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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