I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
