lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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