i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
