remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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