we're blogging at a bar
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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