I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
