watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
