I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
