guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
