My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize