i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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