Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
