Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
