I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
