Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
