Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
