Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
