You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
then he tried to convert me to islam
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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