hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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