this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
