Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im about as happy as oj after his trial
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
