My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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