then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
