People with herpes should wear stickers.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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