I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
