Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
