we're blogging at a bar
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
