i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
