i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
