You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize