R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
