I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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