I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
