Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
