I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
