happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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