i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
