Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine

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(+27): View more from South Africa

I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.

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(516): View more from New York

WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.

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(313): View more from Michigan

its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore

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(208): View more from Idaho

I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?

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(248): View more from Michigan

Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"

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(863): View more from Florida

You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.

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