Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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