That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
