I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
