yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
