I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How external is "for external use only"?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
