So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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